


To Be Human

by 13beautifulghostmonument



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who & Related Fandoms, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Anxiety, Depression, Gen, Stress, mental health
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-03
Updated: 2020-12-03
Packaged: 2021-03-10 02:54:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,355
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27857870
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/13beautifulghostmonument/pseuds/13beautifulghostmonument
Summary: After being dropped off at Sheffield again, Yaz struggles to come to terms with what's happened. Slight spoilers for the New Year's special 'Revolution of the Daleks' with the information we've been given.
Kudos: 9





	To Be Human

**Author's Note:**

> I haven't uploaded in so long but with the new episode in New Year's approaching, it sparked some ideas I just had to get down.
> 
> I love that they started to go into Yaz's mental health story as a lot of people (including myself) have been effected by this and it's never easy. 
> 
> Title To Be Human by Marina

Over these last few months, Yaz had found herself thinking about those last moments with her favourite person. There were mixed emotions swimming around in her head, of course. The devastation and heartbreak at the realisation of the Doctor sacrificing herself, the relief when someone else offered to take her place and the not knowing whether the Doctor had survived or whether she was okay or not. She wasn't even sure where she was. Had she dropped them off and abandoned them? That was Yaz's worst thought. She couldn't comprehend that could be an option. She'd constantly wonder if she had done anything wrong that made the Doctor not say goodbye. Had something happened to her? Was she injured? 

Thoughts raced through her brain at such a speed since they last saw their mad alien that Yaz began to withdraw from social events. She could no longer meet up with Graham and Ryan and be her happy self. Of course, the boys had their concern as well but they also didn't exhibit that same attachment Yaz had. They accepted the Doctor had dropped them home and were grateful to be alive, living life as before. 

She became distant from her family. She could no longer think of anything positive to say around them. She became moody quickly and would snap for no reason. However for Yaz, there was a reason. There was always a reason. She hadn't told her family what happened, they wouldn't believe her. Najia wasn't even aware the Doctor was no longer around. When she was asked, Yaz would be too upset or confused to even answer. She didn't know the answer herself. 

Among that confusion, there was panic and sadness. What would she do now she was no longer around? After all those experiences, she surely couldn't go back to the way things were. It all seemed very mundane, structured. She missed the spontaneous day to day life, the running and watching the Doctor help those in need. She was good like that. 

Since being back on Earth, Yaz couldn't quite face the concept of normal life. How could she? 

She had attempted to go back to work, to carry on with the job she once loved. She even tried to pretend she was like the Doctor, helping people around Sheffield. But that only lasted so long before her brain gave her all those worrying thoughts again. She couldn't focus on any given task the police force gave her. She was struggling. And they saw that. 

She was put on sick leave for the meantime, told to take a week or two off to sort herself out. This in turn, knocked her confidence and she no longer felt she could talk to her family. She couldn’t admit that she was currently not working. They'd be upset and they would worry. 

Instead of going to work, Yaz had spent more and more time within the TARDIS the Doctor had used to send them home. It became her safe place. That peculiar little house on its own in Sheffield, hiding in plain sight. She pretended she was going to work, only to spend days and nights in the time machine. It didn't look the same or feel the same but it brought comfort to Yaz knowing she had somewhere alien to escape. She felt closer to her, even if this TARDIS wasn't hers. 

Hours upon hours were spent scribbling down notes and memories on post it notes, scattered around the walls and console. The almost neon squares making the white aesthetic more her own, if not a bit messy. 

Numerous nights were spent in tears, clutching at her knees and sobbing. Sometimes softly and quietly but other times hysterical. She couldn't comprehend anything, her mind couldn't escape the negative thoughts. She'd cry herself to sleep and then wake up with red puffy eyes, begging it was all a dream but being disappointed when reality dawned on her.  
Oh, what she would give to even spend one more day with that magical woman. 

At this moment, she came here to escape, to hide her feelings. Sonya had asked her a simple question when they had sat in front of the TV. Yaz had been silent the whole time, staring blankly at what was infront of her. "How's work been?" 

Yaz stared at her sister, she felt her lips wobble and her eyes well up. That was enough to tip her emotions over. A simple question about work reminded her about how bad her mental health was recently. How was work? Is being on sick leave because you can't handle your own emotions a valid answer which would cause no suspicions from her family? No, it wouldn't. Yaz quickly stood up and stormed out, accidentally slamming the front door in the process. She ran to the only place she could resort to for comfort.

Najia had noticed. She'd been keeping an eye on her daughter for a while, like any mother would. She was concerned for her well being. Sonya had told her mum when this happened last time, when Yaz struggled and needed help. The moment Yaz left the flat, Najia looked at her other daughter with a sad face and began to get up herself, gaining a nod from Sonya. She understood. It was time to reach out.

Najia had followed Yaz to a house stood on it’s own. The grass outside looked like it hadn't been touched in a few months and was looking a bit shabby. She didn't know whose house this was nor did she think Yaz had any other friends. 

She had tried to ring the doorbell but there was no answer. She couldn’t even hear any sound from within the house to indicate it worked. So she tried knocking instead, maybe Yaz would answer if she did that. Still no answer. She peered through the windows to see if she could see any sign of Yaz but all she saw were sofas, a dining table and chairs. A perfectly laid out house, almost as if someone hadn’t quite moved in yet. There were homely touches like blankets, ornaments and photos but it didn’t look like it had been lived in. It was pristine. It didn’t make sense. Najia definitely saw Yaz go into this house. 

Deciding to try a bit of force this time, she pushed down on the door handle and was surprised to see it opened first time, no key needed. Under normal circumstances, she’d worry about other people living here and what they would think of her breaking and entering but the thought of her daughter put her mind at ease. She was a worried mother, she needed to find out what it was that was troubling her. 

Opening the door revealed a slightly darkened hallway before the lights and surrounded quickly lightened, revealing complete white. When she walked in, Najia could hear faint sounds of crying but that stopped suddenly, possibly from hearing the front door and her own footsteps. Her eyes widened when she saw the room before her. She wasn’t sure what kind of room it was, nor what she’d call it. It looked more like something that belonged in a museum. Scanning the room for any sign of her daughter, she almost didn’t notice but there she was. Her daughter was on the floor in a corner, huddled within herself. Both relief and worry washed over her before she hurried over to crouch on the floor in front of Yaz, resting her hands on her shoulders as her daughter looked up at her with puffy eyes. 

“Mum?” Yaz was confused and fresh tears gathered from her eyes. She wasn’t aware her mum had followed her here, but she was too upset at the slight question from her sister that she just wanted to leave. Najia was here now so she just let the emotions take over, breaking down into her mother’s arms. The tears flowed freely, her muffled sobs echoing throughout the TARDIS. 

Najia squeezed her gently before rubbing her arm up and down her back, to soothe and remind her she was with her now. “It’s okay, Yaz Whatever it is that’s bothering you, you can tell me.” She had seen her similar to this before. There were little tears last time that Najia saw though, but she became disinterested in everything she used to love. She stopped being sociable too. She lost her love for life, her spark. 

Yaz thought about what her mother had just said but she didn’t even know where to start. It wasn’t just about one thing anymore. It had become a domino effect on the way she chose to deal with the situations in her life. It was because of the way her brain decided to deal with losing the Doctor and being dropped into reality again that caused her to spiral, it was the reason she was on sick leave from her job and the reason she would hide away from everyone within the TARDIS. She pulled back and looked down, fiddling with the rings on her fingers. "It's the Doctor" She sobbed. Yaz couldn't really get much more out, they were the first words she spoke to anyone in a while.

Najia thought about this and the times she saw the two together. "Did she… dump you?" 

Yaz tried to look anywhere except directly at her mother. "In a way, I guess. But not in the way you think." She wiped a tear from her eye. She wanted it to be that way. "We don't know where she is or if she's okay. And it hurts, mum." 

Najia pulled her daughter close to her chest, it pained her to see her this upset. She figured the Doctor was important to her from the last time Najia saw her but she didn't realise Yaz had quite this strong of an emotional attachment. It worried her greatly for Yaz's well being, reminding her of the last time. She looked around at her surroundings, only now taking in the large white space she saw before her. "Yaz, is this where you've been escaping to this entire time? If you're not at work, you're in here?" 

Yaz nodded from within her mother's chest. It was partly true, she couldn't bring herself up to mention she was on sick leave though. She was embarrassed herself, she thought she could be strong enough to see this rough patch through. However, she felt her world crumble around her, leaving Yaz in a broken mess. 

Najia sighed, composing herself. "Yaz, I can't begin to imagine what's going on in your head at the moment but you've not been yourself these last few months. And seeing you like this breaks my heart. Shall I book you an appointment to get you back on your meds? And maybe talk to your therapist again?" She didn't like the idea of Yaz being on medication long term but she wasn't sure how long Yaz would cope in her current state, realising she'd probably been this upset for a while. 

"Maybe." Yaz didn't know what good a therapist would be to her right now as she couldn't exactly bring up the fact the last time she saw the Doctor was on another planet. Or that she'd been spending the last year or so travelling through time and space. She'd have to twist the truth slightly otherwise she worried doctors and therapists would think she was absolutely crazy. 

"Can I ask something?" Her mother said suddenly. She sensed her daughter's silence as an opportunity to go ahead. "This room we're in… does it fill the whole house? Only cause I peered in the window outside and I could have sworn I saw another room. But this doesn't seem right to me. The layout of the house I mean." 

Yaz sniffled a laugh at her mother's curiosity and confusion. Could she tell her the truth? Would this intimate moment between a mother and daughter be enough to not make her seem like she was just making all this up? She decided to just give it a go and tell the truth. She'd probably regret this but she was too emotional to think logically. "The Doctor dropped us back home in this house." 

She waited for a response but was only greeted in silence. Yaz lifted her head up and looked at her mother, seeing her brows furrowed which caused her to smile slightly. She could see the cogs turning in her mum's head, trying to make sense of how a house could possibly be used to take someone back home. Najia wasn't sure what Yaz meant. 

Yaz took in a deep breath, not knowing what her mother would say next. "It's an alien spaceship." She tensed, waiting for a reaction. 

Her mother let out a laugh. She wasn't sure what else to say. There was something that made her believe her daughter but she wasn't sure what. Could it be because she couldn't fathom how on Earth this room could physically fit inside a standard house? "Alien?" 

Yaz nodded, feeling a wave of relief wash over her. In turn, fresh tears began to form at her eyes and her lip quivered once more. 

"Hey, it's okay. I'll help you get through this. I won't tell Sonia or your father what you just told me but I hate seeing you this upset." 

"Thank you, mum." She wiped a tear from her face. "Sorry for running out on Sonia like that. I just didn't know what to say and it upset me." 

"I know. You don't have to tell me the whole story today but when you're ready, I would like to know more about the Doctor, okay?"

Yaz gave a little smile towards her mum. "Okay." 

Over the last few months, Yaz had found herself thinking about those last moments with the Doctor on repeat. However now, she thought about the times they spent together and what would be acceptable to tell her mum. The Doctor was a truly wonderful person and the best person she'd ever met.


End file.
